Art Teacher: “Ok Class paint a margarita on a tropical beach.” Student: “No thanks, I like trees.”

Alcohol: It's cheaper than therapy.

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the fast food of America and to the obesity for which it stands.

I wish my girlfriend was as dirty as our politicians.

Goodwill just got much cooler after seeing this, “I wear your grandad's clothes” sign.

Miranda Kerr is dating some random guy proving anything is possible if you believe in love.